he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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