come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
