remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
