my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
