are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
