They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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