a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
