It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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