I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
