So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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