I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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