Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how does that bad decision feel?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
