C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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