my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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