Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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