This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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