chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
