Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
