great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
