You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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