I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
