You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
