I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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