He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
