She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
