I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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