i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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