My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
