They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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