This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize