it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize