tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
