I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
