Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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