That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
