Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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