My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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