Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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