The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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