I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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