I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
