Old men and throwing up are my life now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
