I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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