So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
