i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my shit smells like andre
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
