i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
