1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
