Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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