I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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