We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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