it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
