Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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