You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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