this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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