PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
