OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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