You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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