imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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