Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
