I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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