its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
