you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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