oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
